Families and the Stuff That Come With Them

   Families can be difficult. What makes them more difficult is the guilt and obligation that come with them. A family unit there is made up of many opinions and values, and at times, these opinions clash. Sometimes the individual wants to choke their family members out and other times they laugh and have fun. 

   My sister and I's relationship has been rocky as of late. For teenage sisters close to the same age we have a pretty strong relationship but ever since she got a boyfriend things have changed, as I knew it would. She does not have time for me anymore... She is either out with him or talking on the phone with him. Her world is him right now. Yes I admit it...I'm jealous. I mean, as nice as he is, he took my sister away from me. It seems that our once constant bonding has all but parished. She does not want to waste her time with me. We barely even talk anymore. And she always comments on my attire in a negative way... which one likes I'm sure. She always has some kind of remark about how I look. 

   Over the last week, we have been at my grandmas lake and now she is just getting on my nerves. She spits despite the fact that I ask her not to in front of me. Nods when answering questions while I am not facing her and hogs my baby cousin. One day I feel like turning over to her and decking her in the face and the next we are laughing and playing. It is a rocky ride and at times i want to give up and just give her away. But that is impossible so I need to suck it up and not show the stiff that is bothering me. She is only hurting me, this doesn't bother her... She might even enjoy it at times. This is the life that my soul chose and I need to deal with it. But that doesn't mean that I have to enjoy and like it all the time. 

   People say all the time that you can't pick your family. But I believe that I not true, we do actually pick our family... our souls do anyway. Because like it or not we learn something from each other. 

   "Families are messy. Immortal families are eternaly messy. Sometimes the best we can do we can do is remind each other that we're related for better or for worse... and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minium."- Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters 

Out With the Old and In With the New

   Friends come and go. Some last... the true friends, but lots just pass by. Yes the time spent with them could be fun, and they may have a significant Impact on that person's life but as people change and grow these relationships may fade. 

   

   This unfortunately happened to me. I have always had trouble making friends. I'm a bit of a loner, and shy, these traits may come across as standoffish and snobby. Over the years of high school and junior high I have made few friends and most of these friends did not last. Only for a year or so. Every year I hung out with different people and in grade 10 I only had two friends. This was not what I was not expecting or even wanted. My one friend was a pessimist and it was hard to be around her and the other was just a person that I hung around so that I would not be alone. 

   In grade 11, I made a true friend, she is great, supportive, funny and always there. We first became friends when we hung with the same group. Her "best friend" was a mutual friend of mine but we never really talked for a while, as we grew close, our other friend became jealous. She was not used to not having control over her and it was not something that she liked. It only took a couple months for her to completely cut us out of her life... Good riddings. She brought my friend down. 

   The two of us were almost attached by the hip, inseparable. We still are very close, we even have more things to talk about now that we go to separate schools, it is hard however to hang out lately. This is only due to diplomas though, and things will change. 

   I can't say the same about my other friends. The gap made between us due to one of their girlfriends and my injury did not bring us closer like it did with my true friend but it tore us apart. Our once fun encounters and plans became tainted with awkwardness. We had nothing to talk about, it seemed to me at this moment that our entire friendship was wrapped around our school life. And now that I am away from that environment we had nothing in common. This realization hurt. So I embraced this and went along with it. 

  All is wel, though. I needed this space to make new friends. When I cut them out and stopped hanging on, a girl that I met started to come to school more, this is how our friendship launched. 

  Sometimes things need to end before other things start. The statement "for every door that closes a window opens" is so true. 

   "Remember you don't need a certain number of friends, Just a number of friends you can be certain of"-Merko Kabod quotes 

  

It's Just a Part of Life

   There are always things that are beyond a person's control, they might drive them crazy, or even get mad at them. In an ideal world those aspects could be changed, those people could be changed, but in reality they can't so the best and hardest approach to these issues is acceptance.

   I am having those issues at the moment. Control freak... I know! Haha. I have learnt to not fret over the little things, the things that cannot be changed or controlled. There is no point in worrying and stressing over these things. It only hurts that particular person... no one else. But it is part of human nature to be greedy... to want more and be in absolute control. its just not how it works, unfortunately. lately, the inconsistency and un predictable nature of my father's work is driving me up the wall. I want something that I have never had... a consistent and predictable job for him, where I can see him all the time and not have to worry about changing plans due to his work. I know its selfish, I know that the person benefitting from that would be me, and not him, but I can't help what I want.  It is not a bad thing, wanting my dad to be a consistent person in my life... is it?

   He loves what he does, and I love when he's happy, like I'm sure most people are like with their parents.  I just can't help sometimes thinking about how different my life would be if his work was different. Would I be happy? Would this change our relationship in a bad way or a good way?

   With all that aside, this is good year for me. I know some parts of my life purpose and decided that I am going to go for it. I am going to be a lawyer, another 8 years of school and I won't be done until I'm 27 because I do not finish my high school courses until January of next year, but I am still motivated.

   On top of that, I decided that I am going to be an egg donor, though the sites I looked at said that I had to be at least 21. I do not want to do it for the money, there are just a lot of individuals that want a baby but cannot reproduce, for whatever reason. Because I witnessed first hand what it is like to wait for an organ that is needed to heal someone, I decided that if I die young and healthy I will give up my organs for those in need. Something good will come out of my existence, I know it, if I can help just one person than my life in this time period will have meaning to it. And I can die with the memory of being a part of the bettering oneself movement.

   "I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do." -Helen Keller